Trans is beautiful


I have so much energy concentrated in me

I just want to punch through this wall, hoping it was your face

But I replace

Physical with mental

That’s what happens with people in an oppressed place

You have to move with grace

I’ve always seen it happen to others

But living in my liberal bubble

I never thought it would happen to I, or my favorite little guy

To wake up unassuming and have hatred be the first thing that meets my eyes

I wanted to cry

On the last day of this all-too-perfect transformation trip of my brother’s

There just had to be another

Going out of their goddamn way

Invading someone else’s personal space

And for what?

To progress hate

I’m sorry sir, you say that that calling someone else a “thing” is simply disagreeing

You tell me WHEN it’s NOT with hate that one dehumanizes another human being

Regardless of separate paths of thinking

I reflect back on visiting the African American Museum

And how it was this same predatory hate that exacerbated minorities lives

Until they were at wit’s end

And at that end, was where our push for further freedom began

Equality and respect as a human for all

If not for all, then every one of us is threatened

I pain, I hurt for my little brother

That this is the world he faces

If you disagree don’t go out of your way to make it uncomfortable for me

Why can’t you just turn your cheek?

I know there are people on my friend’s list who hold their tongue

Which surprised me, but I am grateful for at least that and hopeful for at least the openness to learn more

You can’t go anywhere else, mentally, if you are shut in by your own shut doors

I am writing a letter to Instagram and will go as far as to stop using it

If they can allow hatred to be posted but are intolerable to trans people posting the most joyous moment of their lives, then there are taking their power and choosing to abuse it

Day of empowerment

In a room full of people who have been shamed for being in their skin,

I feel uncomfortable in mine

Me, the seemingly cisgender, lesbian

My heart races, skin crawls, head down

Why do I bring myself to the ledge, knowing I am afraid to jump?

Most may not see it as progress, but I know my own progress –even if I move at a snails pace

I took the step forward

Then backed all the way up

Like a video in reverse into my car

Why am I here? Why didn’t I bring someone? What am I doing?

And then I look at my phone to the person I love so much and how they have given up on me

So I cannot give up on me

Fast forward, I am standing at the door of The Center again

I feel like the minority, I feel displaced but I want to belong

I want to say hi, but I hold my own hand over my mouth in fear that I may mess up

I go in

Take in the scenery while quickly rushing to the all-gender restroom

Go into the male stall

God why did I do that?

I am here

Hiding in a bathroom stall like Lindsay Lohan in Mean Girls

I feel failed but I feel progress at the same time

I come out and look for a friendly face who may be looking to make a new friend too

No one

Everyone is clicked up

I leave

And think

There’s always trans pride

The irony

Day 6

My brother…

Different dad, same mother

But still siblings nonetheless

I love him like no other

But he’s back

Back in a state of suicide

Depression on his mind

Who told him his life wasn’t worth living

That his existence was a lie

In the hospital he lies

Lying about his thoughts of suicide.

It’s time for family to jump on board

This is it: do or die.

My brother is not a girl

My brother

My brother’s not a girl

He’s opened my eyes to a whole new world

Where gender defies form

And black and white is not the norm

He carries a heaviness on his shoulders

One that grows like the size of his tits, as he gets older

Until he can truly look himself in his eyes

And be happy that what he sees matches with what he identifies by

I’m jolted awake when I sleep at night

Headaches from his demons that I’m trying to help fight

Disapproval mounting everywhere

I keep a strong face when I know I’m scared

Afraid not of what people think

But if their pressure took his life from me

If people are too blind to see

Thinking they have the right to “teach”

If he dies I will never forgive you

All of your lies

Look what religion did to you

No second tries

You can’t undo what’s done

Would you rather have him dead as a daughter or alive as a son?