I care

I know someone who believes

That if they were to leave

Thank no one would care five days later

Like her life is filled, full of haters

Who -for their own good -act like they care

Can you compare?

I know that there are times when I’ve been there

But four years with you is what I cherish

So I wouldn’t be embarrassed

To say that if I live to see you gone -I couldn’t bare it

Since you didn’t know

I thought I’d share it. 🙂

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About Suicide

 

Having you leave me is like having half of my heart die off

Like trying to enjoy the view with the lights off

It’s not something I can bear to think of right off

Trying to navigate, “what’s the right thing to say? What is appropriate to do?”

Like playing minesweeper, avoiding all the bombs so I can make my way into the core of you

Trying to figure how to help you alleviate this, is a job I’m taking on with only half the tools

Trying to act like a clinician when I don’t even yet have my MSW

I could never sit back and watch this, and not think of anything to do

I relayed information to the clinician, but only after permission from you

What is the correct intervention –and when is it okay to cross the line?

How do I tread the distance between you feeling safe with me and me saving your life?

So many times, for myself I’ve texted, the suicide hotline

Tonight I am texting them again, but not for me this time

You are the future I see myself with

So if you were to go, my future would die

Seeing you in so much pain has me crying

I want to take on all your symptoms, so you can have some time

To reclaim all you weren’t given since childhood, to fill that “shell” of yours with something inside.

Day 6

My brother…

Different dad, same mother

But still siblings nonetheless

I love him like no other

But he’s back

Back in a state of suicide

Depression on his mind

Who told him his life wasn’t worth living

That his existence was a lie

In the hospital he lies

Lying about his thoughts of suicide.

It’s time for family to jump on board

This is it: do or die.

30 day poetry challenge

I’ve fallen off the face of the literary earth, ceasing to pay attention to the one escape I use when I need it the most.

Life has gotten the best of me.

So, in a last ditch effort to get back to what I love, I will be completing a poetry challenge. ^_^

Lets see if anyone can figure out the poetry challenge of the day simply by reading my pieces, then at the end I will post the challenges so you can see if you guessed right.

Cheesy? I know.

Emotional suicide

When I went to sleep tonight I prayed that I wouldn’t wake up

now here I am two hours later with a back ache and a numbed leg in this cramped car

god has a sadistic humor

no matter how hard I try to push myself out of this frame I remain entrapped

degrees, believing in love, EVERYTHING…has been for nothing.

i give up

i can’t even be strong in front of my brother any more.

the color is bleeding out of my life surroundings seeming more black than white

i am imploding

a pathetic character who attempts to save others lives when she can’t even save her own

time to hang it up.

My brother is not a girl

My brother

My brother’s not a girl

He’s opened my eyes to a whole new world

Where gender defies form

And black and white is not the norm

He carries a heaviness on his shoulders

One that grows like the size of his tits, as he gets older

Until he can truly look himself in his eyes

And be happy that what he sees matches with what he identifies by

I’m jolted awake when I sleep at night

Headaches from his demons that I’m trying to help fight

Disapproval mounting everywhere

I keep a strong face when I know I’m scared

Afraid not of what people think

But if their pressure took his life from me

If people are too blind to see

Thinking they have the right to “teach”

If he dies I will never forgive you

All of your lies

Look what religion did to you

No second tries

You can’t undo what’s done

Would you rather have him dead as a daughter or alive as a son?

Shakira

Image

Young girl

You were one of my favorites

Ironic because you gave everyone the most trouble

Sweet, innocent and filled with all the impurities of the world at the same time

The definition of an oxymoron

You never bothered to stop, you always wanted more on

How to cover up the scars that life has given you

You covered your scars with more scars

With drugs, alcohol and std’s

In class you got D’s and out of class you got the D

All of this for a pain you were intent on suppressing

You let me know you loved me, but it was a slippery slope and you couldn’t stop

You were like my little sister, I love you a lot

I took you to my family’s house

I cooked your favorite ethnic meals and when you came home high

I just sighed

And took you into my arms

I understood

You’re not too young anymore

You left abruptly

You didn’t even know you were leaving

You were there one day and when I came back to do my work

My untiring work on you, you were gone…

Where are you now?

Lost in the world

Almost 18

What will you do then?

You used to cry day in and day out for my family to adopt you

I wanted so badly to take you in

But once again

you were taken away by the system.