5:30 a.m. Fall Morning

Twilight

Purple skies

I look up and there’s twinkling in your eyes

I take you for granted -I realize

To be up before sunrise

Enveloped in your air

The cool, slight wind nibbles at my skin when we meet there

A stillness everywhere

Reminds me to take it all in without a care…

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I care

I know someone who believes

That if they were to leave

Thank no one would care five days later

Like her life is filled, full of haters

Who -for their own good -act like they care

Can you compare?

I know that there are times when I’ve been there

But four years with you is what I cherish

So I wouldn’t be embarrassed

To say that if I live to see you gone -I couldn’t bare it

Since you didn’t know

I thought I’d share it. 🙂

About Suicide

 

Having you leave me is like having half of my heart die off

Like trying to enjoy the view with the lights off

It’s not something I can bear to think of right off

Trying to navigate, “what’s the right thing to say? What is appropriate to do?”

Like playing minesweeper, avoiding all the bombs so I can make my way into the core of you

Trying to figure how to help you alleviate this, is a job I’m taking on with only half the tools

Trying to act like a clinician when I don’t even yet have my MSW

I could never sit back and watch this, and not think of anything to do

I relayed information to the clinician, but only after permission from you

What is the correct intervention –and when is it okay to cross the line?

How do I tread the distance between you feeling safe with me and me saving your life?

So many times, for myself I’ve texted, the suicide hotline

Tonight I am texting them again, but not for me this time

You are the future I see myself with

So if you were to go, my future would die

Seeing you in so much pain has me crying

I want to take on all your symptoms, so you can have some time

To reclaim all you weren’t given since childhood, to fill that “shell” of yours with something inside.

She and her.

She –had been an habitual long-term relationship-er diving in and out, and in and out and in and out of relationships like a dolphin skidding across the water, like a sewing machine repairing a tear in clothing.

 

She –had been a serial short-term dater, avoiding anything that even smells too close to seriousness.

 

Until she plunged into her like a cartoon jumping off of a tight rope into a cup of water.

 

They –never looked back, and if so, not for too long. They belonged.

The Homeless

Systematic desensitization

Of the human race

Race relations

Makes no sense

Non-sense

Impotent

When ignorance is potent

What’s more, important

In poor tense

Poverty

People like, “What dad ever fathered me?”

Fathering

Furthering

Fathoming

What did life ever have on me?

We think we’re less crazy

Than the people who talk to themselves

When all the time, we tell ourselves

Reasons why they deserved to be underserved

Ignored

Like it’s the norm

Why?

It’s okay to keep doing the same things as before

Not anymore.

Allied in Action

What does it mean to be allies, in this day and age why is there still injustice left to fight?

Why to each other we must bind, gather formation in a line, pray to who you hold most divine

That our community will be alright

All rise, for allegiance to a flag we must pledge

Why does adding black and brown to the rainbow make so many people red?

Instead, we must practice what we preach

Honor differences in each other, it’s what makes us all unique

I speak, from experience of indifference within the black lesbian community

Where words can shred each other apart, instead we need to hold in unity

I act in honor of my brother who is trans

For awareness of our right to identity

You’re not entitled to tell me who I am

I am layers upon layers of minority

Dispositioned to more risks than who we call majority

Learning to love more of me

And by me I mean every one of you fam

Because injustice in the smallest of corners can spread across the whole land

 

You’re okay

It hurts too much when
The thought of you hanging out with your mistress’ mutual friends
Distresses me
Even when she is states away
Because the thought that she gets to see you again -even on Snapchat -drives me insane
Because I want to erase everything ever associated with us coming out this way
You seem all too okay