Trying to decipher what’s gone on here, something about it all seems so abnormal. Just trying to figure out what is what. Not saying this is what it is, but some behaviors they exhibited (in bold) and some I did too (bold as well). I apologize for all the unhealthy, negative actions I exhibited. I’m letting those go for good.
- Verbal abuse: Verbal abuse includes belittling, bullying, accusing, blaming, shaming, demanding, ordering, threatening, criticizing, sarcasm, raging, opposing, undermining, interrupting, blocking, and name-calling. Note that many people occasionally make demands, use sarcasm, interrupt, oppose, criticize, blame, or block you. Consider the context, malice, and frequency of the behavior before labeling it narcissistic abuse. This…the belittling, accusing (“of doing something), shaming (“my nipples out” when it’s not), demanding (“moral obligations”), ordering (“say ‘I’m coming over right now, Name.’ Say it”), threatening (“well if you don’t please me, then I’ll have to get it elsewhere and you can’t complain”), sarcasm, raging (at times), etc.
- Manipulation: Generally, manipulation is indirect influence on someone to behave in a way that furthers the goals of the manipulator. Often, it expresses covert aggression. Think of a “wolf in sheep’s clothing.” On the surface, the words seem harmless – even complimentary; but underneath you feel demeaned or sense a hostile intent. If you experienced manipulation growing up, you may not recognize it as such. See my blog on spotting manipulation. The hiding of the truth to keep me around, from moving on. Making me feel like a paranoid fool for what I noticed, which was common sense in actuality.
- Emotional blackmail: Emotional blackmail may include threats, anger, warnings, intimidation, or punishment. It’s a form of manipulation that provokes doubt in you. You feel fear, obligation, and or guilt, sometimes referred to as “FOG” The sexual “obligations” you said I was required to fulfill, or else don’t feel bad.
- Gaslighting: Intentionally making you distrust your perceptions of reality or believe that you’re mentally incompetent. Noticing things that would have sent a red flag up for anyone else. Furthermore, communicating these things to you only for you to try and disarm my common sense. Noticing dating profiles you said you deleted, only for you to straight-face lie to me. Noticing pictures being sent, you telling me to trust you that you’re just “making friends,” that I’m paranoid an untrusting when I really caught onto a lie. I’ve also done some share of gaslighting. I’m sorry.
ompetition : Competing and one-upping to always be on top, sometimes through unethical means. E.g. cheating in a game.
- Negative contrasting: Unnecessarily making comparisons to negatively contrast you with the narcissist or other people. You’ve done this, I have too. I’m sorry.
- Sabotage: Disruptive interference with your endeavors or relationships for the purpose of revenge or personal advantage. Disclosing your skewed perceptions of me to people I considered “friends,” to general people.
- Exploitation and objectification: Using or taking advantage of you for personal ends without regard for your feelings or needs. Emotionally.
- Lying: Persistent deception to avoid responsibility or to achieve the narcissist’s own ends. Oh, the lies (see above, and so many more). I’ve also lied about a few things as of late and I’m sosososo sorry. It wasn’t deserved at all.
- Withholding: Withholding such things as money, sex, communication or affection from you. Mmm…still pondering this one before writing it off.
Neglect: Ignoring the needs of a child for whom the abuser is responsible. Includes child endangerment; i.e., placing or leaving a child in a dangerous situation.
- Privacy invasion: Ignoring your boundaries by looking through your things, phone, mail; denying your physical privacy or stalking or following you; ignoring privacy you’ve requested. Me, all the way. And then in the last two months you. This was one of my biggest struggles; although, I was on a quest for a truth you wouldn’t give me. Still, I should’ve walked away if that were the case instead of resorting to this. I’m doing the work on this as I had towards the end. My many apologies.
- Character assassination or slander: Spreading malicious gossip or lies about you to other people. More like slanted experiences.
- Violence: Violence includes blocking your movement, pulling hair, throwing things, or destroying your property. I don’t need to call this out, though it wasn’t common, it happened.
- Financial abuse: Financial abuse might include controlling you through economic domination or draining your finances through extortion, theft, manipulation, or gambling, or by accruing debt in your name or selling your personal property. Mmm, though you may fail to recognize your contributions, we are both guilty.
- Isolation: Isolating you from friends, family, or access to outside services and support through control, manipulation, verbal abuse, character assassination, or other means of abuse. Both. I to you, for sure as a lack of trust and sometimes seeing some people didn’t help your situation. You to me, through accusing on occasions.
Narcissism and the severity of abuse exist on a continuum. It may range from ignoring your feelings to violent aggression. Typically, narcissists don’t take responsibility for their behavior and shift the blame to you or others; however, some do self-reflect and are capable of feeling guilt.