Mother…

Mother

I can see the 5-year-old version of you

I can see grandpa touching you in places his hands should’ve never wondered

All you wanted was his attention

He gave it to you all right

He changed your whole life

I try to trace back our lineage and find out where everything went all wrong

Was it visions of your mom, trying to commit suicide in the bathroom?

She just couldn’t accept the fact that her husband cheated when it was in her face all along

He knew exactly how to get you

He would neglect you and pay attention to others

Make them feel special

Knowing that you would wonder-

Why he always looked past you

Then you would strive to be under his spot light

To be loved

That’s when he knew he had you-

In his trap

Ask me how I know mom…

Ask me.

He was the next thing closest to “Dad”

-Aside from your infrequent boyfriends

You always knew the wrong thing to do when I confided in you

Blackmail him for money? Really?

You asked me if I wanted it…

I understand, you didn’t want it to be true

You didn’t want me to relive your past

Or make you relive your own

That’s why I forgive you

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Mommy Dearest…Modern Day Joan Crawford

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My mother is my daughter

I have friends who are willing to do more for me than you

My mom talks about me like I’m her archenemy in high school

Jealousy because I didn’t play into being life’s fool

Gossiping to my sisters trying to get inside their minds

Having you raise me throughout life was like the blind leading the blind

I learned life lessons from the streets

More than anything you ever teach

You see me in disbelief

Like, “I can’t believe this bitch is about to get her degree”

You don’t like the thought of me being free

Visions

Me turning 18 and making the decision to be happy

You can no longer suppress me

So you throw stumbling blocks in my way, trying to test me

My sister rushing to take her off speakerphone

She knows what you say about me hurts

Enemies remain in dark corners, but there my mother lurks

Waiting, praying, playing…

Head games

Calling me selfish and greedy

Just because I don’t like to live to my last dollar

You put me through that already

Because I like some sense of security

So I can back myself up when I’m ready

After all, I never had anyone else to

Especially not you

 Complaining because my sister thought it was polite to bring me something back

You go through bottles of my wine, but I bet you don’t recall that

No one asked for your assistance

Yet you complain like it’s solicited

These were reasons why I rarely visited

A horrible past I must now reminisce