When you want to know my true thoughts you tell me to envision a pitch black room
Well I’m not in Kansas anymore Toto
I am here
Sitting in a bathroom
This pattern
This bathroom
Here I found refuge after a rape
Here
Is my darkest escape
Here
I imagine
Hanging myself from the shower rod
Here
I turn imaginations into experimentations
But I can’t sneak another belt into the bathroom without you getting suspicious
Like you care
So here
I am
Caressing curtains
Mimicking a noose
Until my muscles grow tired then I let it loose
This shower curtain has hugged me tighter
Than my mother ever has
And you chalk my emotions up to “for myself I’m feeling sad,”
If you only knew
This bathroom conjures
A refuge
From rape
After rape
After fucking rape
And you wonder why I get so sad in the space that I escape
But I’m a burden
Every fucking stab in my back I deserve it
Every pain that’s ingrained was always worth it
Every painful purpose I was born to serve it
J