Sometimes the stress, and debt of life makes me think, “marriage is too much of a debt,” “a kid is too much of a debt,”


And I counter that thought with eugenics. If I were not poor and striving to rise above, would debt even be a concept -an excuse in my mind as a reason to slash kids and marriage?


But then again, marriage is a dowry, so it’s all about money, right?


I think my thoughts are brilliant


But I counter that, too, with maybe they’re just drunken ramblings not worth penning


And I counter that with, “I always think that” as an excuse not to write down my thoughts.


Those very thoughts that I look back on, vaguely, and think, “Damn, why didn’t I pen that?”


Which leads me full circle.


Is this preponderance worthy of penning or not?


I guess I’ll never know, until I do…


…and so, I do.

This broken home

Foster kid drawing

Its nights like these

That I don’t mind staying up late

Even though I’m a morning person

Its nights like these

When you want to stray

I understand your burden

I love each and every one of you all

Different and the same

Even deep down within, when I recall

That you called me out my name

I love your wounds

Adore your flaws

The nature of your resilience leaves me in awe

I’m glad you finally see my passion-Gabby

I know it’s not fair but you’ll get there- Ashley

Kiana you wanna put this wall up

I’m just glad you’ve learned to like me before our time’s up

MaKayla don’t be concerned with all the boys

Even though your mom never gave you any of the attention you yearned to enjoy

Jenny don’t be in a rush to grow up so fast

You douse yourself in makeup and I hate when you make fun of my ass

Alecia, I barely see ya- cause you’re somewhat new

You’ve shown me respect from day one

There’s something different about you

Every time I’m just about done

I fall back into my passion for you




The Day (Part II)

I’m alive! Image

Things didn’t turn out anywhere near as bad as I’ve expected them to be. And here I was walking over the threshold forcing myself not to turn and run! I had two assistants and one dentist. They hooked me up to a heart monitor and blood pressure system.

Then they put needle in my arm for sedation. They said it should make me feel warm and tingly with possible cotton mouth. I felt warm within five minutes and before I knew it I dozed. The funny thing is that I was conscious in my sedation. No, I couldn’t feel anything – thank God because I could never be that guy from Awake- but I could hear myself snoring loudly. How embarrassing. In fact, that was my last conscious thought,”I hope I don’t snore.” I’ve picked up this habit recently and I heard it’s bad news.

I heard drilling and thought they were drilling the wrong tooth, but it must’ve been my imagination. I also thought I looked over and saw my ex and my sister working in the room, so I know I was out of it. Gratefully they weren’t because I didn’t feel like dying in the dentist office.

Before I knew it they were done and it hurt none- and I got a prize to take with me- my pulled teeth! I was only irritated because sleep felt so good and the nurse wouldn’t let me. I went to two houses after: my mom and my friends sister. At my moms, she and my sisters poked fun at me and I yelled when my mom took a pic. Like can’t they give me a break?! Always teasing! My Grandma bought tons of apple sauce and useless straws, if I use them I can get dry socket- not fun.


At my friends sister, all seven kids were in awe. They looked and some laughed when I tried to talk- I sound like Scooby. I ate a cup of apple sauce after rinsing my bleeding mouth with lukewarm salt-water. Apparently I was drooling blood, but I still can’t feel a thing. After I ate (if that’s what you call it), I was OUT! This curious little kid kept messing with my bandage in my sleep and kept asking me question and saying “huh” like 20 million times until I gave up repeating after the fifth time, needless to say I was irritated. He’s so young and cute and he means well, so I couldn’t help but thaw out right after.

I changed my gauzes forever and need to buy tea with tannin in it as an alternative. I went to Target and got some necessities for this situation. My eating ideas referenced an online suggestion that breaks down what a person that’s had their teeth removed can eat based on the hours that’ve past and it’s also based on taste. I bought friendly foods such as Amy’s Vegetarian Chili (spicy), Noodle Soup (no chicken) and Butternut Squash most of which received good grades on my Fooducate app.


The app is really good at revealing what’s good for you and explaining why other products aren’t a healthy choice. For example, did you know that most popular beers have animal bladder in them? Or that imitation crab gets its red-orange hue from crushed insects? Crazy stuff.

I came home and ate Butternut Squash, tempted by my uneaten pasta. Then I’m required to rinse after each meal with a solution made of Perioguard and salt water (8x a day). Now I’m in bed watching X-Men Two (Sookie is Rogue!), woozy still, hungry still. But I suppose I’ll survive.



© 2012, AMBER MCKINNEY. Licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 license,

(Which means you can share and repost this as long as you attribute it to muah! ;D)