11/23

Beginnings and endings.

Once upon a dream

Cycles exist in all aspects of life

We begin where we end

They are one in the same

Poetic justice. 🖤

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Don’t leave 

Don’t leaveI feel you slipping away from me

You close your eyes and I can’t see

If you’re still here with me

Don’t leave

You were the only clarity in this complicated world

Only sanity I found in you girl

Only sane away from the mundane 

Don’t leave

I need you

Don’t leave

Please

I need you

I was you.

9/28 

TodayI saved a life

And normally when I would be writing about mine 

It wasn’t

And to think I almost thought nothing of it

And to think you almost died acting on suicide you’ve done it

I would never forgive myself because of it 

Your words slipping slurring

Text messages triply words are blurring 

Suicidal ideation re occurring 

Trying to be gone in such a hurry

I just want to take away all your worries 

No regrets because you’re for me

No societal expectations 

No conforming

I’d be mourning if you weren’t here in the morning 

5:30 a.m. Fall Morning

Twilight

Purple skies

I look up and there’s twinkling in your eyes

I take you for granted -I realize

To be up before sunrise

Enveloped in your air

The cool, slight wind nibbles at my skin when we meet there

A stillness everywhere

Reminds me to take it all in without a care…

I care

I know someone who believes

That if they were to leave

Thank no one would care five days later

Like her life is filled, full of haters

Who -for their own good -act like they care

Can you compare?

I know that there are times when I’ve been there

But four years with you is what I cherish

So I wouldn’t be embarrassed

To say that if I live to see you gone -I couldn’t bare it

Since you didn’t know

I thought I’d share it. 🙂

About Suicide

 

Having you leave me is like having half of my heart die off

Like trying to enjoy the view with the lights off

It’s not something I can bear to think of right off

Trying to navigate, “what’s the right thing to say? What is appropriate to do?”

Like playing minesweeper, avoiding all the bombs so I can make my way into the core of you

Trying to figure how to help you alleviate this, is a job I’m taking on with only half the tools

Trying to act like a clinician when I don’t even yet have my MSW

I could never sit back and watch this, and not think of anything to do

I relayed information to the clinician, but only after permission from you

What is the correct intervention –and when is it okay to cross the line?

How do I tread the distance between you feeling safe with me and me saving your life?

So many times, for myself I’ve texted, the suicide hotline

Tonight I am texting them again, but not for me this time

You are the future I see myself with

So if you were to go, my future would die

Seeing you in so much pain has me crying

I want to take on all your symptoms, so you can have some time

To reclaim all you weren’t given since childhood, to fill that “shell” of yours with something inside.