Healthy

I’m set to go to CoDa. A codependency anonymous meeting as I learn more about myself

My codependency in relationships and substances

I am fighting my normalized, unhealthy habits

It is hard right now

Because codependency is for me to want to take other’s pain away

To fix it for them

Typically that’s why we excel in helping professions like social work

The healthier the boundary –the more foreign and uncomfortable it feels for me

But that is where my growth lies

Melody Beattie’s book is teaching me all about it

The healthier boundary would be to empower someone to resolve their struggles on their own

Teach a person how to fish instead of feed them

And even then, I’m pondering if I’m still helping that person –just in a once removed way

Shits crazy

Codependency is running back to relieve our pain

Healthy is learning to be alone and whole by oneself

So that when they enter something it’s not two half people trying to fill a void

But two whole, stand-alone people who don’t unite because they need someone but because the person makes a good addition

Whether it’s family, friend or lover

Two wholes are greater than two halves. It’s not crazy math.

But why does it still render us powerless?

Codependency is in the moment, impulsive urges. We think it fixes the pain now but little do we know it puts the pain on layaway and stunts the growth down the line.

I care enough not to let me or anyone else experience that kind of delayed suffering

It’s addiction

Codependency is putting someone else’s needs before my own.

It’s me disregarding the healthy to do what’s irrational and easy.

Dysfunction and codependency have been my lifelong friend.

I was impregnated with it when I was old enough to learn that my mom was in pain.

And I gave birth to it when I was old enough to try and do something to steal her pain away and make it mine. To take it on, on my own.

I was so young.

Codependency is my addiction.

It is normalized for me.

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