Having you leave me is like having half of my heart die off
Like trying to enjoy the view with the lights off
It’s not something I can bear to think of right off
Trying to navigate, “what’s the right thing to say? What is appropriate to do?”
Like playing minesweeper, avoiding all the bombs so I can make my way into the core of you
Trying to figure how to help you alleviate this, is a job I’m taking on with only half the tools
Trying to act like a clinician when I don’t even yet have my MSW
I could never sit back and watch this, and not think of anything to do
I relayed information to the clinician, but only after permission from you
What is the correct intervention –and when is it okay to cross the line?
How do I tread the distance between you feeling safe with me and me saving your life?
So many times, for myself I’ve texted, the suicide hotline
Tonight I am texting them again, but not for me this time
You are the future I see myself with
So if you were to go, my future would die
Seeing you in so much pain has me crying
I want to take on all your symptoms, so you can have some time
To reclaim all you weren’t given since childhood, to fill that “shell” of yours with something inside.