Day of empowerment

In a room full of people who have been shamed for being in their skin,

I feel uncomfortable in mine

Me, the seemingly cisgender, lesbian

My heart races, skin crawls, head down

Why do I bring myself to the ledge, knowing I am afraid to jump?

Most may not see it as progress, but I know my own progress –even if I move at a snails pace

I took the step forward

Then backed all the way up

Like a video in reverse into my car

Why am I here? Why didn’t I bring someone? What am I doing?

And then I look at my phone to the person I love so much and how they have given up on me

So I cannot give up on me

Fast forward, I am standing at the door of The Center again

I feel like the minority, I feel displaced but I want to belong

I want to say hi, but I hold my own hand over my mouth in fear that I may mess up

I go in

Take in the scenery while quickly rushing to the all-gender restroom

Go into the male stall

God why did I do that?

I am here

Hiding in a bathroom stall like Lindsay Lohan in Mean Girls

I feel failed but I feel progress at the same time

I come out and look for a friendly face who may be looking to make a new friend too

No one

Everyone is clicked up

I leave

And think

There’s always trans pride

The irony

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