Do not disturb

Stress was her workday
And also the pillow she lay her head on when she goes to sleep at night
Tonight, she just wanted to let it all go
Let it go as she ran five miles free of it
On her treadmill that is
Always working, even her escape had been work
But this time she was putting a do not disturb on all of the expectations
On her recent girlfriend, current exs expectations
On misjudgments at work
Especially on those in the lesbian community who stereotyped her long before the DUI incident
No one knows her for who she really is
And today, her work is done.
She strips off her stress like clothes after a long hard day
Dips into the jacuzzi and meringues with solace
She’s not answering the calls
She’s silenced the texts
She lets her head roll back and let’s the heat indulge her
The bubbles, massaging her sore muscles
Vibrating on her clit
She closes her eyes and rides the wrath of the water
It takes her to a place she’s never imagined
She is alone
Asexual
She, has come.

Reincarnation

We died before we bloomed.

Died a million deaths, but always come back renewed.

Like a flower in spring

Or an old soul reincarnating

We’ve died, and died, and died again

And I mourn the loss each time and then

Just when loss has settled in

Like life frozen over from the winter

We come back again

You know what life means, once you’ve died

And that’s why our love continues to thrive

I’ll never doubt a “me and you”

After the things that we’ve been through

We have been used, but recycled, refurbished into something new

That’s where I see the value

I will die a million lives with you

If it means I get to stay with you

Food for thought

I was fed eggshells growing up

Now my tongue tip toes

Careful to select the words that will make others happy

It’s an acquired taste

But a first language for me

Each wrong word has always had it’s repercussions

Whether it was my grandma ridiculing me for having the wrong color as my favorite color

Or having some partner blow up on me

I am bleeding from all of the missteps

I am so used to this, I should no longer feel the pain

My clumsy tongue

I am about to say what the fuck I want

Then at least I don’t have to live in fear of saying the wrong thing

When it happens anyways

Yea, there’s a liberation in that

Owning: the fuck-up

Owning the fuck up.

Day of empowerment

In a room full of people who have been shamed for being in their skin,

I feel uncomfortable in mine

Me, the seemingly cisgender, lesbian

My heart races, skin crawls, head down

Why do I bring myself to the ledge, knowing I am afraid to jump?

Most may not see it as progress, but I know my own progress –even if I move at a snails pace

I took the step forward

Then backed all the way up

Like a video in reverse into my car

Why am I here? Why didn’t I bring someone? What am I doing?

And then I look at my phone to the person I love so much and how they have given up on me

So I cannot give up on me

Fast forward, I am standing at the door of The Center again

I feel like the minority, I feel displaced but I want to belong

I want to say hi, but I hold my own hand over my mouth in fear that I may mess up

I go in

Take in the scenery while quickly rushing to the all-gender restroom

Go into the male stall

God why did I do that?

I am here

Hiding in a bathroom stall like Lindsay Lohan in Mean Girls

I feel failed but I feel progress at the same time

I come out and look for a friendly face who may be looking to make a new friend too

No one

Everyone is clicked up

I leave

And think

There’s always trans pride

The irony