Unwelcome

unwelcome

I’m not welcome here

Your words have turned sour like fruit that’s sat for too long

I can feel it

It’s the cold in your shoulder when you turn over at night

It’s the meticulous effort you put into making each moment into a fight

You call me bitch

When my heart is healing you take pleasure in ripping it open -stitch by stitch

Moreover, it’s the sweet sting of your anger that kisses my sadness that I know of all too well

When I cry and I still try to repair things

You are too busy being angry to see me with my walls down

And from the heavy bricks of your angry aggression…you have single-handedly built this wall between us.

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It’s over now

black rose

In and out of a hazy sleep

In and out of broken dreams

Slipping in and out of you and me

It’s over now

And you’re gone

In and out, like a needle and thread

In and out, like I just want head

In and out because “our love is dead”

It’s over, wow

Now you’re gone

Fighting about all the little things

I give in

I’m left to blame

Love is beating me at a deadbeat game

And it’s over how

I was wrong

So, this is how it ends.

So this is how I spend my days with you now

Waiting

Only to find that you get home when we both have to go to bed because we have work in the morning

Wasted

Because we can’t seem to get along when we do have time together

Disappointed.

Your words feel real this time

I can feel each one pelt my heart

This kind of talking has awakened my irregular heartbeat

The kind of dance it does when it knows it’s almost over

You say that I’m special and that you would like to keep me as a friend if it had to come to that

That sleeping in the other room might help us both decide

That you don’t want me to leave just yet, but you want to separate while keeping me here

Holding me near…from a distance

Of all the oxymorons

If you let go, you let go

Who are you fooling?

I’ve been there love

It prolongs the pain

What kind of sadistic game are you running on me?

Keeping far enough to try and let me go, yet near enough to keep the last flame kindled

I won’t let you do that to me

But I want you to

Because, as always, we’re at the opposite end of the looking glass

Maybe it’s my experience in long relationships. Maybe not.

But I’d like to think that things aren’t as bad as they seem.

That couples have quarrels

Ironic

The more I grow into comfort the more you grow out

What is all this about

And why are you doing this now

Dragging me across the line

We are separate and your phone is locked

But you ask who I talk to like we’re together

You finally said those words that were like suicide to your ears

The words you didn’t want to hear

It hurt, I saw your eyes tear

“Maybe we’re not supposed to be together. Maybe you’re meant to be in my life as a friend.”

Then we can all be happy in the end.

Right.

Let me tell you, those exes that you swear I maintain relationships with

Have all been cut off

I’ve been doing this for too long

I know how it goes

You want to gently back out of this thing

That way it doesn’t hurt as bad

And you fool yourself with this illusion of still keeping me in your life in the future

Not how it works

If we separate it will hurt. Bad.

We won’t talk and when we do it will drive us further

You can’t be friends with an ex you loved so deeply while trying to wade the waters of being single again

There’s too much jealousy, between me you and her

Eventually the next won’t want you talking to me and that’s that.

I know because I’ve seen you do it to girls for me.

It’s called karma

Breaking up and trying to be friends drives a deeper wedge than just breaking up

Just like all the rest, we will play with keeping contact until we realize it hurts

Someone will distract our attention and we’ll get over each other

Then one day one will reach out, in an attempt to not fully forget the other

Short words will be exchanged and that will be that

Or short words will be exchanged and that’ll be an argument with the next and that will be that

Our relationship will diminish into the likes of turn strangers passing each other in the streets.

So tell me what you want

Because despite all the fighting, it’s worth having you sleep next to me

I guess I’ll see you next lifetime love.