I’m sure I racked up a nice little phone bill talking to you tonight. You seemed a little distressed on the phone, which had me worried but I’m so glad you got that job right after I left.
There’s so much I wanted to tell you on the phone. I wanted you in on each and every little frustration and minor situations.
–I wanted you to be here–
Today, I missed your soft yet strong voice for some reason. I took in your lips that curve at the corner like the grinch and said I’m lucky to have you, such a selfless, artistic and smart soul. I recalled your dimples, swimming in and out of your cheecks as you passively command something.
I want you to try the tofu, I can still hear us laughing as we try to learn Mandarin together.
I looked at all of our pictures today and really contemplated our love.
This was supposed to be shorter, it’s late and I’m tired but I know you’ve probably written way more than me because I’ve been traveling two days straight.
I do need to go to bed.
(Song in my head about you: India Arie; Like a flower/The truth)
I’ve been holding it back all day
Trying to be strong this time
Each time the tears welled up inside
Until they went away
It’s only now
Waking up from my nightmare
To an even worse nightmare
That these droplets slowly seep out
It’s over now
I can’t believe it’s over now
It’s 1:19 a.m. one day after I left in San Diego technically speaking, but in China it’s still June 2nd so I guess I’m lost in time. I’ve been in and out of sleep thinking about you. The realness of this whole trip hasn’t set in yet, so the longing isn’t as bad yet (idk if that sounds bad, LOL). However, it doesn’t mean I don’t miss you yet -I do.
I’m remembering how we got separated on our flight back from San Francisco and how I wanted you next to me during the turbulence. Well, we just had some and then I looked up as if you were still in the seat in front of me and you’re not. For some odd reason I miss the feeling I get when you tower over me like you do, LOL.
I hope you had a good day and didn’t let your family use you up too much today. I know I come across as mean when it comes to that situation, but I just want so bad for you to be treated right (and that includes me too, which is why I’ve begun to act right). You’re so selfless when it comes to the people you love and I love that about you. It hurts that I’m leaving you lonely and I’m worried about what will happen when I’m gone, but we will see.
I love you Kimberly.