Love cursed

voodoo doll: prisoner of love

Love cursed.

I’ve run this course

I know how it usually ends.

Is it bad that I shut down now

Just as a precaution?

Working more.

To trust mistrust

Disregard disgust

To see where we end up.

Love cursed.

My age is young, but my love is old

But right before you give is where success lives, I’m told.

My tummy turns, I’ve lost my appetite

My emotions keep me up at night.

I want to play pianic lamentations

Of my newfound revelation.

No relation

Recreation

What oil is to water is what the heart is to the mind:

Segregation.

Ironically, time’s got the nerve to have me waiting.

I guessed it stopped amidst all this mayhem

I guess I call myself having faith, when I’m just being patient.

Love cursed.

End this now.

Usher in the moment, where I take my final bow

I will not allow

Things to head any more south

Run my emotions in the ground

You pick me up to lay me down.

In other words:

Once again

You’ve fucked me.

Never loved me

The only thing you’ve ever set your eyes on was me.

This love curse.

Ever wonder what it’s like to be

Love cursed.

I guess

I really can’t be too sad.

When I’ve been handing out to the homeless all day.

And when iBuy some wine with Misty.

Just to get away.

I find a mother outside near my house with her son.

Gathering change to buy him dinner.

Their house burned down right before Christmas.

I gave her my wine money.

 

This will not be the way we communicate -_-

This is so…yea.

In a similar manner, but not totally the same

I only remember bits and pieces

A blur

I probably have a problem

I’ve been trying to deal with it

I remember having fun, but not liking the things my BF said

But acting against what I was feeling

I remember you arguing with me at fiesta

I don’t know why

Not too sure what you said

I just remember walking down the street trying not to cry because I thought you broke up with me

Until you broke up with me

I remember saying things to Jae about you

Not too clear on the exact words

But remembering her saying it’ll be okay

And then I was in the car.

I remember somewhat being at gossip and you leaving

And Kay sitting in front of me

I remember hugging her

Not too sure if I’d kiss her, or why

And vice versa

And you coming out arguing with me yet again

Not sure about what

And then leaving

Crying

Your “friends” turning around and asking whats wrong

LMAO

Getting in the car

I don’t remember walking to it though

You leaning in and saying what you said

And being confused for a couple of seconds

Trying to think back

Drawing my conclusions

You banging on my window with someone

And then being gone

And then Kay showing up

Driving off

And telling her what I though you accused me of

And her being pissed and making me pull over the car

So she can look for you and Tai

LOL

She was so upset that she had to hear that yet again

I remember marching down the street with her to Rich’s

Telling her you wouldn’t be there and to not bother

It’s too cold

Then going back in and sitting with her in the bathroom

Talking about how bad we wanted to succeed

Her baby and personal issues

And more

Coming out and sitting

And, LMAO, Tai coming up and trying to make conversation

Not caring just speaking

Then leaving

Looking for your house and ending up at SDSU

Racing back because It was past nine

Getting my stuff

Being mad at you for accusing me

For believing stupid people

Kay passing out

Taking her home

In and out of sleep on the way to work

That’s it

That’s all

For what may have been or may not have been done

I do apologize either way

Confusion has me altering my emotions

I’m not victimizing myself

LOL

Which is why I didn’t even bother if I knew you didn’t want to be bothered

But since you may

Here it is

I may have had my doubts about you

And your tricks may have been annoying

But you were good

You are

Not sure why I stopped by in your life

But it’s a bittersweet thing

Thank you

And for whatever you feel

I’ve done before

For being a clam

And more

I’m sorry.

(Me blocking you- is making it easier for you. It’s not for me. And WP doesn’t have a block)

To hybernation

Pill

I’ve been sleeping all day

Only to wake when called on

Dreaming

Thinking

Sleeping

Contemplating

Trying to make sense but not really relating

It’s taxing

For you

But for me too

There were at least 5 clones of that girl from obsessed

Coming after you

And the little things

Thinking gets draining

Cast out

First in last out

An overactive mind sometimes makes me dizzy

I just want to pass out

In here, right now.

Water ripples

Life affords us these temporary moments

Joy comes and goes so fast you’d think that someone stole it

If there’s only one principle to love it’s that you can’t really control it

Just when you think you’ve figured it out you find that you can never really know it

I’m tired of being this sacrifice just to remain a poet

I can be hurting the worst inside, but I will never truly show it

Hazy

Blurry Vision

Trying to flashback

I remember it was fun

I went in feeling everything and was left with none

Somewhere between here and there the world starts to blur

I got into arguments that I didn’t even know occurred

I don’t know why

I remember going into the bathroom with Kay to talk

Listened to her cry

About life

And how we both want so much more

About how we went in through windows

When life chose to slam doors

What happened before that?

I came out

I reached in for a hug

Did it happen

Didn’t happen

Arguments

Talking to your friends

No trace of the beginning and a marker for the end

You come up to me

I had no idea the words I just know what I felt

And that was frustration and I tried to not to cry

Even though I can’t remember why

I rushed out

And she…

Lmao

SHE

She had the nerve to ask me what’s wrong

Lol

I get in my car and u come up and utter words

Probably the only words from you that I remember

Left confused

Look up there’s you

And she

Of course

There and then gone

Kay gets in

I told her what happened

She gets out and goes on a manhunt for you

Furious that anyone would think that

Nowhere to be found

Our second talk

We come out

We sit

We drink

I look up

She

Asking what’s wrong

Lmao

Making conversation

Asking who was the second person

When we both know who

You

Ridiculous little scene

Kay told me not to speak

But what everyone fails to realize is that I

Just

Don’t

Care

I speak my words

We leave

I drive drunkenly

In despair

Sifting through my hair

Trying to pick up the pieces of the night

Get my head on right

And move on

I can no longer long for a love too far gone