Something my senses can’t comprehend

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Your touch

Has left me disheveled for days now

I search frantically for something

To ease this want

This insatiable want

That keeps lighting back up inside me

Like those annoying ass birthday candles

I want it, but I fight it

There’s a time and a place for that

Even though your love knows no boundaries

I’m so used to being the one out of control

Edging someone on to do something racy

Your wildness has forced me into this sexually reserved position

That at time breaks through the box

Reserved at the right time

I think I like being engulfed

By your waves

Not knowing when they come

Or what’s going on

Or what’s coming next

Losing sense

Department 9

*Waiting until I know you don’t stop by here anymore*

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You.

With the cold desolate eyes

And the capabilities of a serial killer

You stuffed compassion into your facial expression

But it was only a filler

And I saw right through it

You were trying to access my emotions and I knew it

Your smile

Displayed. was warm

And chilled to the core

At the same time

Welcoming and threatening

Like you dared me to do anything

But just stand there in utter shock

It was like you had split personality disorder

And both sides had come out to play

Both the comforting and menacing

Laid out across your face

Your hands

Touched

Seemingly in prayer as you tilted your head down

Before the judge

We both knew you were atheist

And the inkling of any sense of Christ you had in you

Was pounded in your head by me

It helped me keep your anxiety at bay

After all, how else did you have all these convictions

And STILL manage to walk away

Blue

You wore it to match

Your blood running cold

You walked in

Blank

Checked out

Like the devil stole your soul

Handcuffed

Chauffeured to your spotlight

A holding tank

You tried your best to signal things to me

Like you’re fine

But that was before

Today

You had determination

At a second shot at life

And although I confessed to the DA the truth

I was there for your help

Because, even though what you did was wrong,

I’ve always had trouble not considering the disadvantages life hands some people

Because I didn’t want your screwed up future to rest on my conscience

Because you’d come back for me like you did

every.single.time

I went up there

And I answered all the questions

Examinations

Cross examinations

One after the other

I didn’t press charges

So the city was out to get you

Landy Spencer

She made it a goal of hers to convict you

For good

And your angel of a lawyer

She always ended up grabbing your case last minute

I let Landy tear into me

Just like she did at our prior meeting

And I did one little thing that left her seething

I asked if I could speak

I told everyone

How everything I said was wrong

Because she pressured me

I felt pressured

So I told her what I thought she wanted to hear

The case had to be thrown out

I looked Brandon in the eyes

Because he and I

We both knew the truth

And then I heard a door shut

I looked up

To see my ex missing from her seat

Being back there today

Department nine

Brought an eerie nostalgia

Like being in the house of person that just passed

People in my class

Looked at me as if to wonder

How I knew exactly where everything was

It’s funny what being in the same place at a different time does

You can’t be crude when you saw it coming

Trail

For 23 years

You have been only a figure of my imagination

The right combination of assets

To spark a peak in my interest

So much that

When confronted I had no problem

Pouring your physical existence

Here in the flesh out to my ex

But here we are

The all too familiar trend

That usually comes in the end

Is laying on the doorstep of our beginning

If the mind contradicts the heart then it’s never really winning

And then I see your post

The perfect host

To the traumas of my past

I know all too well where this goes

Down the same drain as the last

And what will I do?

The same thing I’ve always done

I will hand you the ammunition

To the very gun that my hearts been running from

I will tell you to see her

To contact her

To meet her

Because who am I to stunt someone’s feelings

I’ve always been the type of person that

No matter how much it hurts me

If it’s something that makes you happy

Then don’t deny your yearning

That wouldn’t be fair to you or me

This was something I prepared myself to foresee

It’s the very reason I kept this wall up

The only thing I do for me

All is ask is that you don’t lead me off the edge of false beliefs

I’d rather walk on a crumbled foundation

Knowing that that’s what it is

That to blissfully fall into damnation