The fog

There’s a fog creeping in

A familiar feeling

One I get lost in

Yet I’m drowning

And I don’t know if I want to pull myself out

There’s a haze in my head

Kind of like the one outside right now

I sleep in it’s comfort

Because sleep is a way away from the discomfort

I let you down.

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NYE ’17

“Dying when those fireworks are going off and rejecting the New Year and life like that.

Also I can think of the fireworks as celebrating the end of my suffering.”

“You failed to bring me into your future with you

Now I’m a thing of the past”

You were the absolute concoction of my dreams

You were the manifestation of my 3rd grade runaway desires

You were my savior

And you’ve fallen

My confidence has plummeted

I no longer believe that you truly want me

I don’t think you’re bad at all

I think you care

I think you care enough to conceal the truth to not hurt me

The truth

Which is, that you’re just not that into me anymore

Or that you want to keep me around as security

While you scour for and devour other women

You were my dreams

Now my reality is a nightmare

I can dash away any hopes of having a family

Having a baby

A house

Shit having love

It’s all gone

No talks of you’ll move on

That shit doesn’t ring true for me anymore

I give up

You said you wanted to see other people, but you didn’t want me to

Your wish has come true

And while I won’t be seeing them, I also won’t be seeing you.

Ain’t it funny

Funny

I’ve been looking for writing inspiration all this while

Not knowing a gold mine was sitting under my nose

Funny

The moment I tell myself to trust you is the moment you begin to be a hoe

It’s not funny

Because I refuse to be someone’s barefoot housewife

While their partner goes around creeping at night

Not me hunny

You’ve picked the wrong chick

To fulfill your domesticated fantasies with

You can have them back

Because I’m not attracted unless the person in front of me can also have my back

Is that too much to ask

I know someone’s out there

That shares the same morality as me

Funny thing

You have this ideal of someone who’s stricter than me

Thicker than me

Breasts bigger than me

I’m not afraid to cast light on the shadows that you love to bathe yourself in

You said you were drawn to the dark

I didn’t know you meant in this way

You hide yet you blame me for feeling a way

More than one, I should say

Torn between anger and numbness

I don’t want to retaliate, I just wanna once again pick up my things and go my own way

So much for a $200 foray

Hey, what can I say

No matter how hard you wish, you can’t make the night be like day

Yearning

I sit in the dark

Skin bathed by the blue rays of my computer screen

The soft pitter pattering

Sounds like rain

Though it’s my fingers tip tapping

On my keyboard

Pounding out about how in life I’m unsure

There’s got to be more than this

Something that will bring me bliss

Back in 7th grade – I reminisce

What, stole my passion away

When last did the paper and the pen kiss?